Dedicated to David Allen Green. In the style of and based on the article in the Sunday Mercury Meet Birmingham's very own crusading superhero The Statesman by Adam Aspinall. This post has been written in good humour and nothing in it is intended to harm.
He is the cat-loving crusader who has soared to popularity fighting widespread misuse and misrepresentation of the law.
Self-professed Skeptic David Allen Green (otherwise known as Jack of Kent) makes widespread use of social networking sites Facebook and Twitter to tell the world of his assistance to innocents who have fallen prey to the strong arm of the law.
But while he keeps vigil for long hours at his personal computer, the local animal community complain that he does not pay enough attention to the crimes against animals.
For all his successful legal defences and professed love of kittens, social media superhero Green woefully neglected the case of Lola the cat, who was so unceremoniously dumped in a wheelie bin last August in his neighbouring town of Coventry.
The RSPCA’s new online animal crime maps reveal that this was no isolated incident, and that there are in fact several instances of crimes against cats and other animals on a daily basis.
Seven days a week, Green dresses in a three piece suit with a trademark navy tie, and lurks in court by day and on the computer by night to fight injustice.
His long-suffering cat Banshee thought he was writing and researching for his New Statesman articles, which seemed to have been taking up a lot of his time recently.
When he was tracked down on Facebook, there had been no status updates for several hours. He would not respond for comment when approached via Twitter. But a neighbouring pampered feline, who wished to remain anonymous, was vehement in her reproach of his ignorance.
“He may be a big shot lawyer, but it’s a dog-eat-dog world in our community. I doubt he’d be able to take on any of the cases round here, let alone some crazy lady intent on tormenting us.
But if he does want to help the animal community, I am completely behind him. Maybe he could start by unfollowing all those Twitter people who don’t like cats.”
It was a different story when the local animal rescue centre was approached to see if they had received any support from the city’s new legal superhero.
A spokeswoman mentioned that he made regular contributions to the welfare of the cats that they had rescued, and had even taken a cat home with him as part of his own personal mission to rehabilitate cats back into the community.
Last week Green explained how his online antics helped him to take his mind off the court cases.
“I work for a law firm dealing with libel and extradition,” he said. “All day long it’s very high profile cases and I have to write ongoing daily blog posts about the outcomes.
It’s not a popular occupation. I like to think I make up for it by having a Facebook page and a Twitter account, so that I can show people the real me, the cat-loving counsellor who is committed to the protection and welfare of cats everywhere.”
